i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
