dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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