I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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