its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
