ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
