Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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