Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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