My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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