There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
