I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
