Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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