I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
