can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
