If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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