I think I died a long time ago.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
