My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't deserve a penis
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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