Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
