cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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