all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
