She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize