Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
