I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This baby is an asshole
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
