That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
