went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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