just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
