8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
