After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
