I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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