Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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