I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
