You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
