it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
