I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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