I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
