so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
