Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize