let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
