My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I faked an abortion last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
