your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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