Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
