the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
