you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize