i wish my penis had a tongue
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
