Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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