worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
