honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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