Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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