the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i was born a porn star she said
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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