I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize