I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
