I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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