Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize