Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize