Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize