Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
