I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
