I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
