Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you never un-have a 4some
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
