Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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