Dual....:-)
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
