one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize