ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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