yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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