i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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