he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
