it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
