Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just pynch a tree in the face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize