So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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